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be careful with poultry

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Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Posts: 45903
Location: yes
PostPosted: Wed Feb 15, 23 7:50 pm    Post subject: be careful with poultry Reply with quote

this one was a domestic breed rather than a fighter and used its own spur

i have only met one that was dangeroos and never want to meet another one at close range

an aggressive rooster is best harvested with a gun

Mistress Rose

Joined: 21 Jul 2011
Posts: 15753

PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 23 8:44 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I once knew a rather difficult chicken called Cluck. It was a domestic breed, and a female, but treated as a pet and got ideas above the station of a chicken. It belonged to a re-enactor at a 17th century village we worked at. One of the lads, who didn't wear socks and of course wore breeches, so had bare lower legs was terrified of it as it went for him a couple of times. It pinched the Chairman's lunch, which nearly got its neck wrung. On one occasion I was trying to deal with it and it was most indignant because I wasn't afraid of it and followed it under moderately low trees. In the end it became such a nuisance it was sent to a farm and was last heard of bullying pygmy goats.

In this case, which is very sad, it seems the man was in very poor health anyway, so this was just the last straw.


Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Posts: 45903
Location: yes
PostPosted: Thu Feb 16, 23 10:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

the one i met was dangeroos, even though i was fit and somewhat practised at critter wrangling and violence it was a rather upsetting experience

if needs be i will plan an assassination, that one was planned for wednesday, but he had totally gone rogue on monday and was about to murder a nicer rooster, things escalated rapidly

if it is an unplanned situation, i hope i have plenty of luck and an escape route or a close combat weapon and even more good luck
empty hand was rather naked

the one that killed the chap got him in the femoral artery, fit or poorly, that can ruin your day
my one got a broken neck in the first exchange and still tried to blind me quite professionally
iirc one of bodger's roosters stabbed him in the knee and caused a nasty wound(a few inches etc)

most chooks are nice or at least manageable, a few are dangeroos

ps the fighting ones are a bad idea


Joined: 13 Jan 2009
Posts: 9075
Location: South Wales
PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 23 8:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I had a Cockerel (I'd swapped a nice one for this evil beast) whose head needed up being taken off with the rake from a field poop scoop. He was an evil shit of a Cockerel... surprisingly, he was a Dorking.

Mistress Rose

Joined: 21 Jul 2011
Posts: 15753

PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 23 9:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Those are usually fairly well behaved aren't they? I have heard of them as a domestic breed.


Joined: 13 Jan 2009
Posts: 9075
Location: South Wales
PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 23 9:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'd swapped my lovely Dorking out with another. MY Dorking was perfectly docile. The Dorking I received was a veritable hell-beast!


Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Posts: 45903
Location: yes
PostPosted: Sat Feb 25, 23 10:30 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

i now have Rubbery Peck(and his stunt double) and rapist rooster's mummified paws

Rubbery made a 3-min short as a show reel a while ago, i found it quite disturbing to watch and i filmed and edited it

the "small scale"SFX* is the issue for the one i have had story boarded for a decade, well that and the political landscape changes so fast at the mo

as his agent/producer, i would say rubbery has a wide repertoire focussed on rage and extreme violence with a twist of sympathy

he might be on t'tube, cant remember, i may have a dvd

* a garage size studio space that is dry and free for a while, flame, mini laser and minor(nowt louder than a 19 x 9 blank) bangs safe and of no concern to locals etc
not easy to find, cgi would really miss the point and immediacy of Massive Attack 2 starring Rubbery Peck
ps i even have armoured glass and sacrificial cameras for the exciting bits


Joined: 15 Jul 2009
Posts: 168
Location: Erewash or in the dog house
PostPosted: Wed May 31, 23 2:59 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I thought I'd share this with the forum members. It's absolutely true – as true as a chap my age can remember being six anyway. It is a story from when the World was a far happier place, and an event that I will always remember with tears of laughter filling my eyes.

I had one of those wonderful, magical childhoods that modern parents think they can pay for but can't. I was one of those feral, rural kids brought up by a pack of small dogs – other people's of course and spent my days running wild in open countryside and woods, plodging in ponds and ditches with wellies full of muddy water and frog spawn. A privileged childhood in many ways.

I was lucky to grow up in a small village on the edge of the Lincolnshire Wolds. There was nothing but fields behind the house for as far as the eye could see. There were about 300 people in the village so everyone knew everyone else and kept an eye on us kids. It was a peaceful, safe environment where we could spend whole days out across the fields without anyone worrying.

Nearly everyone seemed to keep chickens and Mr Blades two doors up had some pure white ones he was fattening up for Christmas. I've no idea what breed they were, only that even allowing for my small size, they were enormous. Of course, those days were less politically correct and concerned with animal welfare and health issues than today, so the cockerels had been chemically castrated, ie. had a hormone implant to neuter them and increase their size. Of course today physically castrating a cock is seen as cruel and chemically treating them as dangerous so true "capons" are a thing of the past. Chemically castrated cocks aren't something you'd want fed to your sons on a regular basis anyway and you CERTAINLY wouldn't want to feed it to your daughters as the chemical was used to bring bitches into season.

For some reason, I don't know if it was intended to be for Easter or just because they had too many to eat, one of the cockerels wasn't knocked off and thanks to the implant, it grew and grew until it was huge. It was built like an East German weightlifter. Its neck started at its ears and went diagonally to the outside of its shoulders. It was a right monster of a bird. There was no problem with it. It had the quiet nature of a hen and kept itself to itself. Then, slowly the implant stopped working. I suppose it had run out or perhaps been so diluted by the sheer bulk it had to work on it couldn't cope. The upshot was that this vast docile chicken suddenly reverted to its proper vicious roosterly behaviour. It was like the Incredible Hulk on a bad day! It attacked other peoples chooks. Shaun, the Portess’s Alsatian (as they were then) was terrified by it and worst of all, it took to attacking people .

Well it got to the stage where the whole street was being terrorized by this killer chicken. Women would put their washing out as quickly as possible in case it was around and we never went out on our own. You'd hear it roaming the street like a velociraptor screaming this "F*** OFFFF!" cry that sounded incredibly rude back in the days when kids got a clip round the ear'ole for swearing – words like “bum,” or “titties”. This state of affairs went on for what seemed like ages before this feathered Godzilla made a big mistake. Catching little Carol Blades on her own, it went for her and Mr. Blades went ballistic!
Now Mr Blades wasn't a big man, but he was a HGV driver and in those days they didn't have all these ponsey power steering and easy shift gear box gizmos. You needed strength! You had to be able to eat chocolate COLD. He also looked quite a bit like Charlie Drake. Even now I can't think of him without expecting him to say, “ Allo my darlin's.”

SO. The scene is set. Cue "High Noon" music as Mr Blades heads for a showdown. The street clears. Faces appear at upstairs windows as he fetches the axe from the shed. Neighbours grit their teeth at the sound of whetstone on blade. Silence descends. Even the songbirds fall silent as he stalks the bu**er and corners it down by the shed. He goes for it axe raised. The chook, realising he isn't coming for a friendly tête á tête, cocks its head on one side and fixes him with one evil yellow eye and then flies for him in a flurry of wings, flying beak and hooked talons and the unexpected, the UNTHINKABLE happens. Mr Blades BACKS OFF! The Cockerel seizes its' advantage and follows up in a blizzard of swearing and flying feathers and as Mr Blades lets go of his axe to fight the brute off and with a collective, practically audible gasp of awe from the watchers, it shoves him through the six foot hedge. As he lies there dazed and battered amongst the wreckage of his prized privet hedge, the chook wanders amiably away, clucking contentedly to himself, all conflict forgotten.

Mr Blades picked himself up, moseyed out of town and came back with the posse. Well a rather bemused Mr Rowson from the farm at the bottom of the street anyway, armed with an ill suppressed laugh, quaking sides and a shotgun. We didn't see the final act. It happened behind the shed. Just one sharp shriek of pain, a cry of “YOU BLUDDY BA$T@RD!!!” then the sharp crack of the gun and it was all over as Mr. Rowson reappeared, a bloody peck mark on his bald head and his flat cap askew, a thin trickle of smoke coiling itself up from the barrel of the shotgun like something out of RinTinTin. Life quickly got back to normal again. Mums chatted as they hung washing out. kids walked to friends alone and roller skated in peace. Dads enjoyed a fag whilst doing the digging. Mr Vessey got back to teaching the blackbirds how to whistle “ Please Release Me" out of tune whilst mowing stripes into his already immaculate lawn. And Mr Blades? Mr Blades was eating "that bloody chicken!" until he was sick of it. He never did fatten any more. In fact he stopped keeping chickens altogether. We never did understand why.


Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Posts: 45903
Location: yes
PostPosted: Wed May 31, 23 5:45 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

that critter was a dangerous beast, im not surprised he stopped keeping birds, he may have been asked not to

a chum told me a moo story that went the other way with hormones, the testerone implants in the steers were supposed to last a few months, they released in a few hours, when he got there a couple of days later as a first response insurance loss adjuster, he saw them and what they were doing, and agreed the claim to have them popped with a big gun in a couple of minutes without getting out of the car cos the farmyard was a mayhem of sex and violence and jumping in and out of the pens for fun
fond as i am of chooks some are impossible to tolerate.

if they are, with a gun from a safe distance makes sense to me

once they are up close a gun is a minimal advantage, im not sure if an edged close combat weapon would help once they are on you

i brained rapist rooster against a fence post after what seemed like a lifetime of blocking most strikes at my face and neck until i could grab it and dispatch it, again.
that time it stayed dispatched

it was probably the worst thing/s i have ever fought, certainly more memorable than i care to repeat (and hopefully it will never happen again)

PS i am very kindly and usually savagely efficient when harvesting food or culling or exterminating vermin, RR was a horrible exception

Mistress Rose

Joined: 21 Jul 2011
Posts: 15753

PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 23 7:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

A good story Mal55. You did have a good childhood. Mine was more restricted, but I still lived in a semi rural area that was just starting to get built up. I lost myself in the local small wood when I was 3 and my parents had to get all the other parents out to look for me. We weren't able to keep chickens, but my husbands parents did.

There was someone kept geese in their front garden along a road I often went along. As a small child I used to use the other side of the road as they made such a row if you went past on their side. They terrified me as I suppose they were about my size or bigger.


Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Posts: 45903
Location: yes
PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 23 8:19 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

when i was about ten i was chased several times around a pond by a largish flock of geese, it was rather difficult to get far enough ahead to break away from the "shoreline"

nothing has convinced me they are nice in over 5 decades

ok for rendering if you make roast spuds, the meat is nothing special and hidden in fat

i spose a big one and a few sacks of root veg would make a decent festive meal for a bunch of serfs

if i was hunter gathering they would be on the list as they are calorie rich and have useful feathers and down

i leave them alone, and they either hiss at me from a safe distance or ignore me which seems to work for both of us


Joined: 23 Jan 2009
Posts: 8721
Location: Ayrshire, Scotland
PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 23 9:06 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I used to work for a potter in North Wales who had a couple of geese..he made the mistake of going into his greenhouse, without a big stick..left the door open behind him, and bent over to pick something up....


Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Posts: 45903
Location: yes
PostPosted: Fri Jun 02, 23 11:11 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

another fun thing some geese do is the lay and forget technique of chemical vengeance mines

a well matured goose egg is not to be underestimated, once fully primed a slight touch can set one off and eventually they go off spontaneously at random

the stench and spread is amazing
as stinkbombs go they are excellent for the long game, i wish i had known of them as a schoolchild

watch out for that pig it bites, fair enough, beware exploding eggs hidden around the place, that is proper countryside

when i saw one it was best to shoot it from a safe distance and hope for rain as picking them up for tidy disposal months after the laying season was "unpleasant"

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